On Loss(less)
“¡Solo el pueblo salva al pueblo!”
Keeping it short and (not) sweet today - No one needs me to say that it’s been a rough start to 2025. Straight to the point: I’m specifically talking about the Los Angeles fires. I got back to Los Angeles from Panama the morning that the fires started. I had been waiting to watch Nicole Kidman’s “Babygirl” and you bet your ASS that was the first! order! of! business! Ben called me that night saying how driving back home from work had been hectic because of the winds, and that’s when the gravity of the situation truly sank.
The next night, when the Sunset fire started, Ben and I got evacuated. I grabbed the following:
My mom’s cardigan she wore when I was a kid. If you’ve ever grabbed my phone off of me you’ve probably seen my wallpaper. It changes: it’s usually my grandpa’s fig tree back home in Spain… Other times it’s a picture of me as a kid, with my brother, my grandma and my mom. My mom’s wearing a dusty green cardigan over a white t-shirt, with blue denim mom jeans and loafers. *I’ll add a screenshot of it at the end of this Substack in case you’re interested in seeing it*
My mom’s vintage black leather coat she’s had since her 20’s. She used to keep it in her closet back home in Spain. It’s really hard to keep materials like leather looking fresh in Panama’s humidity. Her closet in Panama is inside the bathroom as well, so clothes are hard to maintain. I brought it with me to Los Angeles from Spain back in 2021. Leather coats are always in during the fall season.
The first plushie I ever gave my mom. It’s a very very small teddy bear that holds a friendship bracelet that reads “Best Friends”. She gave it back to me one time I was back home in Panama visiting. It was the day before I was supposed to travel back to Los Angeles, and I felt miserable about coming back. I don’t think I had that many friends back in Los Angeles at the time and the weight of adulthood felt as though it was crushing me slowly. I don’t think I was ready for it. I don’t think I’m ready for it now. I curled up and cried because sometimes you just need your mom.
Cash. Self explanatory.
My laptop. Self explanatory.
You know, the important documents: passport, anything that lives in my purse…
My jewelry box. I have tons of sentimental jewelry that has been passed along from my grandma to my mom to me. And honestly 90% of my jewelry is my mom’s that I have asked to borrow once or twice and then just kept.
My previous and my current journal. If my apartment went down I was gonna have to journal my heart out. Needed to make sure I could.
Loose childhood pictures I have on my dresser. I can’t really replace those.
Speaking of pictures, I didn’t grab my photo albums. Instead, I have a binder with ALL (or most) of my negatives. I realized now that I didn’t grab the (tøūr) negatives. In fact, I don’t think I grabbed any of 2024’s. I have way too many photo albums for it to make any sense, and I figured if I have the negatives I could just replace the prints.
My Spanish playing cards. These could be easily replaceable but I was gonna need some sort of entertainment. If you’ve been around me enough I’ve probably taught you how to play Brisca, the game that my grandparents play every afternoon, for hours on end.
My Nintendo Switch. Never use it, but it made sense to grab it.
A book. Currently reading “Men Have Called Her Crazy” by Anna Marie Tender.
My noise cancelling headphones. Thank God for these puppies! I’ve written about them before. They’ve been working overtime lately. Worth saving!
As previously stated, I had just come back from Panama, so I had enough clothes in my bag from traveling, given that I hadn’t unpacked. just yet. I did add some jeans that would be extremely hard to replace. Funnily enough I forgot to grab my toothbrush. For someone who obsessively brushes her teeth to pass the time, this was SHOCKING.
As for music stuff, I only grabbed one CD. It’s not even an album, it was a Christmas gift and it honestly holds more emotional value than any other CD or vinyl I could’ve grabbed.
My cymbals, not my snare drum. Listen, when you have limited hands, you have to work with what you’ve got. I LOVE my snare drum. It’s a $135 Tama Artwood that I got second-hand from Guitar Center when I first started the drum program at MI. My favorite band is Turnover, and I became obsessed with their (Åūdįøtrėė) session. I took a screenshot of the gear that Casey, their drummer, used for that session and just purchased exact copies of them. I bought Zildjian A’s for cymbals, and it took me a little bit to figure out what the snare drum was. Bottom line is, the cymbals are way easier to find; yet way more expensive to replace. But I would’ve grieved the snare drum more had shit gone down.
My medication! A girl needs her meds and thank god she remembered to grab her stash.
Snacks. I think this is worth mentioning because I am referring specifically to some pomegranate seeds I had peeled earlier that morning. I spent my Winter peeling pomegranates to satisfy my hyper fixation of Trader Joe’s vanilla yogurt with granola and pomegranate seeds. It takes a while to peel these pomegranates and I was determined to bring them with!
I should mention that Ben grabbed his Gibson Les Paul and his Strat that he has modified the shit out of. Shocked that he left behind his other guitars considering that this man’s life is his guitars. But then again, we only have so many hands.
Ben and I were able to safely return home the next morning. But many people weren’t.
I went for a walk the morning after we evacuated to my friend’s house in Frogtown. I called the people I cared about and walked by the Los Angeles river. Ash was covering my phone screen as I held it in my hands. It felt very post-apocalyptic.
It saddens me that some of the places that hold so many memories have since turned to ashes. I spent a good chunk of time in Altadena (RIP The Bunny Museum) with my previous loooooove interest (oooooh???). And there were many-a-car rides around the Palisades during COVID lockdowns, when we couldn’t get out of the car but we so desperately wanted to get out of my tiny one-bedroom apartment. Los Angeles has been my home for the past 8.5 years and I am head over heels absolutely in love with it as a city, as my home.
There’s a buuuuuunch of fire relief information that I am sure everyone has seen around socials. My sentiment of heartbreak almost seems superfluous at this point. I encourage people to volunteer and show up for your community. Plenty of places were max’d out on donations; so at this point I think putting your money on people’s fire recovery Go Fund Me’s is the best way to minimize waste. It was wonderful to see so many people showing up at the volunteering site I was at; all so willing to gift their time and energy to rebuild. “¡Solo el pueblo salva al pueblo!”
*As promised:*
i hope u guys are doing ok